Saturday, October 06, 2007

Getting Caught Up in the Details

I must confess, that I struggled with reading "The Scaret Letter". It wasn't that I didn't understand it but, I felt like Hawthrowne's attention to minute detail was excrutiatingly painful. Once I got past the paragraphs talking about one single piece of furniture...I was able to see the book for what it was. A story that looked at shame from a public and private point of view.
Lately, I've felt like I've been getting caught up in the minute details of my life. That as much as I try to focus on the big picture...I just can't seem to get past the details. And maybe it's because the details don't seem minute to me. They seem large and slightly overbearing. The reality that I need to figure out where I'm going to live, not to mention some form of employment before December (would be preferable anyway). Those two things have been the details I've been obsessing with since coming back to KY. However, while all this keeps taking my attention...I have a responsibility to give my best to my kids at school. And truth be told...they haven't seen my best yet. They know that I know their names and care about them. They know that I've graded the majority of their work. But do they know I've given them my best?
I don't know why staying on focus has been so hard for me this semester. I keep drifting back to myself and my concerns. It comes down to me not fully trusting God and lacking the faith that he will take care of me. I know that there is a balance to trust and faith...God does expect some work on my end too.
Despite my distraction, God keeps working. He has let me know in so many different ways, that I'm not alone, even when it feels like it's just me. He truly has been leading me and preparing me to embrace being a college grad in the world. Not so protected. Not so community bonded. More responsibility. More bills. More money management.


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