Sunday, May 07, 2006

5 Days and Counting

Well kids, my classes were offically over as of Friday. I now have finals and packing up what feels like my life, to go home for a couple weeks. I will have the house to myself during the day, which I decided will be great for relaxing and doing more prepping for the trip. I'm starting to get a little antsy about the amount that I have to raise by the end of the month. I feel like I'm in denial about the year ending. It's a sad realization for me that the most real friend that I have ever had will be graduating come the end of the week. And as much as I am excited about the newness that lies ahead of her...part of me doesn't want to see her go. I'm going to miss seeing her almost every day, listening to her insight on life, jamming to great music, and the spontanity that she brings with her where ever she goes. I realize that I am incredibly lucky to have been given such a unique has been a gift. One that has altered my life forever. But I can rejoice in the fact that I have been incredibly blessed this year by her. And maybe just maybe...God has used me in such a way in her life.

There's another friendship that will be separated by distance this summer too. One that, I want to put the, "friendship for a season" label on. The reason I say that is because we seem to be put together for a specific purpose. And she will moving on to bigger and better things than Wilmore soon too. It is a friendship that completely has taken me by surprise in how God has been working using us both. It was neat to finally find someone who cries all the time, like I do. Someone who understands that I'm not always upset, that it's an emotional outlet for me. I have come to took forward to praying with this person and bouncing my thoughts and questions off of her...even though I think they sound silly to me.

I've been thinking about these two friendships a lot lately. I have been so blessed by them. But at the same time, I feel like I resort to my old ways. Being completely real and raw with another person takes guts in my opinion. My gutsiness in the being real and raw in relationships has been stretched this year. As well as getting over my fear of trusting people. Trust might not be the best word but I have experienced freedom in relationships this year. I haven't questioned why on earth so and so is having a conversation with me in the first place as much. I've stopped apologizing so much for taking up another person's time. I'm beginning to see how good God has been to me in regards to relationships/friendships...and doubting those friendships/relationships says to Him that I really do not trust Him but myself. And trusting oneself is all about not needing anyone, including God.

Question of the day: Is change something you say, "bring it on" or "I really liked the way it was" to?

Me: It really depends on the situation but initially and most of the time, I am reistant and find myself saying, "I really liked how this was." I have learned to adjust to change and not fight it so much though.


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